It’s August already. It felt like it took forever for Memorial Day weekend to get here and then in the blink of an eye we’ve blasted past June and through July. I’m sure that part of that is because I was still in class throughout June, but still, where did the summer go. I’ve got an anniversary, a birthday, a family vacation, and I’m planning on using up a little more than a week of PTO this month. August has just started, but I feel like all it’s days are already in the ledger–paid and accounted for. Labor Day weekend will be here in no time and then we’ll all be getting ready for the coming winter.

I had planned on doing a series of videos reflecting on being 50 years old and looking back over those years. That never happened. Due to a lack of scripting what I want to say mostly. When I had the time I didn’t know what I wanted to put on video and when I knew what I wanted to say I didn’t have time. This is a recurring theme in my life. Probably, those videos just won’t happen. I’ll be 51 later this month and that feels less significant. Less worthy of retrospective.

I finished my Associate’s Degree program at GRCC this summer and after some evaluative thinking, I’ve decided that I’m not going for the Bachelor’s. So, now I’ve got time to do some things that I’ve been putting off. Strangely, I feel a bit at a loss to identify exactly what those things are. Perhaps it’s a touch of post-collegiate depression. it’s a real thing. I Googled it. The rush of lectures and classes, meeting instructors and fellow students, and most of all, excelling at something that I had been apathetic to as a younger man is gone now. I did it. I went to college and I walked out with a degree. I should feel accomplished and empowered. Unfortunately, mostly I feel like there is no real change beyond the expense incurred.

It was a good experience. It was tough–balancing work, school, and family. It was a challenge. I enjoyed it more than I expected. And I never thought this was going to be But what I really came away with was the value of being a well-rounded, open-minded individual. I like learning and I’m going to continue on the path of self-improvement. I’m just not going to follow that path into university.

karma

But right now, at this moment in time, I’m feeling disorganized, unmotivated, and slightly directionless. I looked around the house yesterday and saw projects, projects everywhere, projects as far as the eye could see and rather than being enthusiastic about getting some of these finished, I just want them done. I don’t want to do those projects. I don’t want to think about all the challenges and headaches that go along with getting these things completed. I just want to pay someone to come in and finish this shit off.

Unfortunately, that is not an option. I don’t have that kind of money. So instead, I’ve got to kick myself in the ass and get back into gear. I’ve been in neutral since I took that last week off and failed to get my goals accomplished. Enough moping about and doing nothing. It’s time to get back in control of myself.

August is a new month and a new start. It’s going to be busy and that’s good. Busy is nothing to shy away from. I spend too much time in idle as it is, time to put it in gear. I’ve already started writing again. I need to get more reading done. I need to get the exercise/diet thing back on track. And I need to finish some of these projects. Let’s roll.

“The one thing I don’t like is the way things are…”

-Everyone, Always

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